erm...hello...dont know what to write really. u know what that means...survey time!
Name Four Bad Habits:
1.over eating. oshhhh...not so good in a land where clothes are made for ppl without hips
2. staying up late for no gosh darn reason.
3. falling asleep everywhere and anytime
4. procrastinating. still need to do my taxes! dammit, why arent i more chinese?
Name Four Things That You Wish You Had:
1. a personal trainer. someone to pull me out of bed, wipe the crud outta my eyes, and get my ass in gear!
2. a personal jet. a environmentally sustainable one of course, fueled by biodiesel and happy thoughts
3. a pair of wings
4. a hammock between two palm trees
Name Four Scents You Love:
1. fresh laundry
2. endangered emu fart
3. sweaty back
4. goat cheese
Name Four Things You'd Never Wear:
1. a fur coat
2. a jean jacket with jeans
3. timberland stilletto work boots
4. a tube dress.
Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now:
1. how i am going to be so bored at work tomorrow
2. why guys are such jerks
3. i am so tired
4. i am so freaking tired
g'nite
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
We must all view life as a great adventure
Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply To the day to day obstacles of life - Facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, Testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, Discovering our own unique potential."
-- John Amatt
Sunday, March 05, 2006
it's you.
i just watched a movie called "crash". no, not the david cronenberg flick where ppl get all turned on by car crashes. the one i'm talking about is based around racial tensions in multicultural societies, namely the U.S, specifically L.A. There are several narratives running in parallel, based on people whose lives are inextricably linked, forged by their cultural allegiances and prejudices.
in multicultural, or "melting pot" societies, we like to pretend that it works. that people from all over the world prosper in harmony or at least hegemony in one "united state". this movie dissects that myth, and although it works in overwhelming generalizations, it does make several valid points. you have to see this movie, again and again. it makes an point, which at the same time reverses on itself, and despite being contradictory they're both valid.
case point. graham is a police officer whose brother peter has a predilicton for crime, i.e. stealing cars. apparently in L.A. if you've been caught for stealing cars three times, you're up for a life sentence. and to save his brother, graham compromises his morals, and a criminal investigation (also deep rooted in racial issues which are far too complicated for me to summarize here). Their mother is constantly worried for peter, her baby boy, and begs graham to bring him home. in the end peter is killed. the mother goes into hysterics, and graham pledges to find the killer. the mother turns to her remaining son, and says it's not necessary. she tells him "it's you" that graham killed his brother because he never brought him home like she asked. beyond the responsibilities that graham bares as the older sibling, he also bears teh weight of his race. she tells him that before peter died, he came home and brought groceries. it was all graham. it was always graham that took care of his mother, but in the end it was always peter she spent endless nights crying over.
you think you know how the story is how going to end, but the movie plays on unexpected twists. which is like a parable for the price we pay for exercising predjudice. we make assumptions, and more than often we get it wrong.
racism exists everywhere. the movie seems to say that pretty much everyone is racist, whether they're aware of it or not. even in japan, the land of mono-culture they are racist. and i don't even mean towards foreigners. i met a japanese girl today, and she spent 5 years in ottawa as a TA. well educated and fluent in english. but she can't find a job teaching english in kagoshima. every company she interviews for tells her they want someone "caucasian". i was aware of this kind of discrimination, but i'm spared from the brunt of it due to this cushy little bubble called JET. but i know that even me, as a full out Canadian would have trouble landing a private english teaching job. i just don't have the golden haired, blue eyed "exoticness" that is so admired by the japanese. i don't want to sound embittered over this, more rather...realistic. i know racism is real where ever you go. i know its part of the human condition, and we'll always make assumptions based on stereotypes. because isn't that what gives man domain over every single living creature on this earth? our "intelligence" is based on awareness and ability to discern fundamental differences. i think therefore you are
in multicultural, or "melting pot" societies, we like to pretend that it works. that people from all over the world prosper in harmony or at least hegemony in one "united state". this movie dissects that myth, and although it works in overwhelming generalizations, it does make several valid points. you have to see this movie, again and again. it makes an point, which at the same time reverses on itself, and despite being contradictory they're both valid.
case point. graham is a police officer whose brother peter has a predilicton for crime, i.e. stealing cars. apparently in L.A. if you've been caught for stealing cars three times, you're up for a life sentence. and to save his brother, graham compromises his morals, and a criminal investigation (also deep rooted in racial issues which are far too complicated for me to summarize here). Their mother is constantly worried for peter, her baby boy, and begs graham to bring him home. in the end peter is killed. the mother goes into hysterics, and graham pledges to find the killer. the mother turns to her remaining son, and says it's not necessary. she tells him "it's you" that graham killed his brother because he never brought him home like she asked. beyond the responsibilities that graham bares as the older sibling, he also bears teh weight of his race. she tells him that before peter died, he came home and brought groceries. it was all graham. it was always graham that took care of his mother, but in the end it was always peter she spent endless nights crying over.
you think you know how the story is how going to end, but the movie plays on unexpected twists. which is like a parable for the price we pay for exercising predjudice. we make assumptions, and more than often we get it wrong.
racism exists everywhere. the movie seems to say that pretty much everyone is racist, whether they're aware of it or not. even in japan, the land of mono-culture they are racist. and i don't even mean towards foreigners. i met a japanese girl today, and she spent 5 years in ottawa as a TA. well educated and fluent in english. but she can't find a job teaching english in kagoshima. every company she interviews for tells her they want someone "caucasian". i was aware of this kind of discrimination, but i'm spared from the brunt of it due to this cushy little bubble called JET. but i know that even me, as a full out Canadian would have trouble landing a private english teaching job. i just don't have the golden haired, blue eyed "exoticness" that is so admired by the japanese. i don't want to sound embittered over this, more rather...realistic. i know racism is real where ever you go. i know its part of the human condition, and we'll always make assumptions based on stereotypes. because isn't that what gives man domain over every single living creature on this earth? our "intelligence" is based on awareness and ability to discern fundamental differences. i think therefore you are
Saturday, March 04, 2006
this is just an observation, the future's in my hands
it's a beautiful morning. the sun is shining and everything feels at peace. i'm going down to ibusuki today to sample their famous hot sand baths for the first time. tanoshii mi! (i'm excited).
on days like today, i feel i could stay in japan forever. but that restless wanderlust is once again stirring in me. to move beyond the weekend trips around kyuushu, and to be free from the everyday mundane. i know i should be patient, and bide my time, but i'm as impulsive as ever it seems.
one could literally make a career off of teaching english. with the proper certification and experience, i could teach literally anywhere in the world. third world, second world and even first. english teaching jobs are everywhere! my life, my views, everything about me is so dualistic. i want to stay i want to go. i want peace i want chaos. i want to be surrounded by people i want solitude. i live in extremes, and though not entirely healthy, it's the only way i know how to exist.
and when i think of home, i don't even see myself settling back in the toronto area. it's where i was raised, it's what i know and it is a comfort to me. but it doesn't inspire me. given the chance i would move to montreal, vancouver, victoria, even calgary! i've been all across the major cities, and not so major cities (cough*tweed*cough) of canada. i feel i've got a pretty good cross section of canada, apart from the arctic regions. don't get me wrong, i love all my friends in the GTA, but i've been away so long, and moved about so much, you're all used to me not being there. in fact, i can't remember the last time i talked to anyone back home...in fact i wonder how many of you even read this blog?
i talk like this now, but i'm known for my impromptu mood changes. maybe i'll return to toronto and fall in love with it for the first time, and never want to leave again. or maybe i'll move to france and become a pastry chef. or maybe i'll just marry a japanese boy and we'll start a karaoke bar together. oh, the possibilities! either way, i have a feeling that in august, my life will take on a totally new meaning, regardless of whether i stay or not.
on days like today, i feel i could stay in japan forever. but that restless wanderlust is once again stirring in me. to move beyond the weekend trips around kyuushu, and to be free from the everyday mundane. i know i should be patient, and bide my time, but i'm as impulsive as ever it seems.
one could literally make a career off of teaching english. with the proper certification and experience, i could teach literally anywhere in the world. third world, second world and even first. english teaching jobs are everywhere! my life, my views, everything about me is so dualistic. i want to stay i want to go. i want peace i want chaos. i want to be surrounded by people i want solitude. i live in extremes, and though not entirely healthy, it's the only way i know how to exist.
and when i think of home, i don't even see myself settling back in the toronto area. it's where i was raised, it's what i know and it is a comfort to me. but it doesn't inspire me. given the chance i would move to montreal, vancouver, victoria, even calgary! i've been all across the major cities, and not so major cities (cough*tweed*cough) of canada. i feel i've got a pretty good cross section of canada, apart from the arctic regions. don't get me wrong, i love all my friends in the GTA, but i've been away so long, and moved about so much, you're all used to me not being there. in fact, i can't remember the last time i talked to anyone back home...in fact i wonder how many of you even read this blog?
i talk like this now, but i'm known for my impromptu mood changes. maybe i'll return to toronto and fall in love with it for the first time, and never want to leave again. or maybe i'll move to france and become a pastry chef. or maybe i'll just marry a japanese boy and we'll start a karaoke bar together. oh, the possibilities! either way, i have a feeling that in august, my life will take on a totally new meaning, regardless of whether i stay or not.
it's not easy being yellow
i am seriously contemplating leaving japan come august, and heading over to hong kong to teach. i'm having a great time in japan, and learning so much about their culture. but at the same time...what about my own? i feel so detached from my chinese heritage, and this is a perfect chance for me to immerse myself in it. there are so many teaching jobs in china and hong kong.
thinking practically, i don't want to spend too much time out here. in two years, i'm sure my japanese would be good enough for conversation, but i would definitely not be fluent. and when would i use it again? it's more important for me to become fluent in cantonese, or at least reach a conversational level. so maybe i can actually have a decent conversation with my parents...
being out here, away from my family, it has been extremely difficult for me to keep in touch. i avoid the phone, and write the occasional letter. i know my parents worry about me, and want me to keep in touch...but it's beyond what i'm capable of right now. i'm feeling distant from everything back home. it's like a book i might have read once, but fades further into fiction everyday. the book still sits on the shelf, waiting for the day new chapters will be added.
thinking practically, i don't want to spend too much time out here. in two years, i'm sure my japanese would be good enough for conversation, but i would definitely not be fluent. and when would i use it again? it's more important for me to become fluent in cantonese, or at least reach a conversational level. so maybe i can actually have a decent conversation with my parents...
being out here, away from my family, it has been extremely difficult for me to keep in touch. i avoid the phone, and write the occasional letter. i know my parents worry about me, and want me to keep in touch...but it's beyond what i'm capable of right now. i'm feeling distant from everything back home. it's like a book i might have read once, but fades further into fiction everyday. the book still sits on the shelf, waiting for the day new chapters will be added.
Friday, March 03, 2006
being 20 something
here's a popular email forward i got awhile ago. it rings more true now than ever before.
----------------
they call it the "quarter-life crisis". it's when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. you start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. you start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe, those friends that you thought were so close aren't exactly the greatest people you've ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
what you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are just as confused as you. you look at your job, and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
your opinions have gotten stronger. you see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. one minute you are insecure, and then the next secure.
you laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. you feel alone and scared and ocnfused. suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. you get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet someone decent enough that you want to get to know better. or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
one night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't seem as fun. you go thorugh the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with you friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. you worry about loans, money, the future, and making a life for yourself. and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
what you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. we are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
----------------
they call it the "quarter-life crisis". it's when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. you start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. you start realizing that people are selfish and that maybe, those friends that you thought were so close aren't exactly the greatest people you've ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
what you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are just as confused as you. you look at your job, and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
your opinions have gotten stronger. you see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. one minute you are insecure, and then the next secure.
you laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. you feel alone and scared and ocnfused. suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling onto the past with dear life, but soon realize the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. you get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet someone decent enough that you want to get to know better. or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
one night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn't seem as fun. you go thorugh the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with you friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. you worry about loans, money, the future, and making a life for yourself. and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
what you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. we are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
couldn't have said it better
do you love me because i'm beautiful, or am i beautiful because you love me?
--oscar hammerstein II
the pain passes, but the beauty remains
--pierre auguste renoir
the world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing
--albert einstein
think of giving not as a duty, but as a privilege
--john d. rockefeller jr.
--oscar hammerstein II
the pain passes, but the beauty remains
--pierre auguste renoir
the world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing
--albert einstein
think of giving not as a duty, but as a privilege
--john d. rockefeller jr.
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