an update

1:43pm Friday, Oct 12

my supervisor ben gave me until this weekend to decide if i will leave or stay.

i would like to go home. but i'm afraid it'll seem like i couldnt cut it. And it's not as if i think being home will be perfect either. i just can't figure out if it would be more mature to stay or to go.

my relationship with my counterpart amy is nominal. it seems she hasn't been able to bond with anyone canadian or chinese. but as her counterpart the onus is on me to support her. and i recognize its my duty to do so, but i'm having trouble connecting with her. i seriously think she has mental health issues. not in a dangerous way to herself or to anyone around her. but she's very socially awkward. like she's emotionally stunted. You would think she was 14 and not 22. but she is the way she is. despite the idiosyncrisies she does need help. and i need to be more patient and understanding. i know this. not just with amy, but with all my relationships.

things aren't going well with my host family either. my host mom complained during a hostfamily meeting that i was coming home too late, and so now there's a curfew for all the CWY participants. 11 pm on weekdays and 2 am on weekends. it's not a major deal. i'm sure most famlies won't impose it and i'll be changing host families in a week anyways. 3 famlies in 1.5 months. i feel like a foster child!

my work placement at rogers cable is going well though. i've shot a few pieces that have aired. and i'm pretty much being given creative freedom to shoot anything i want. i'm gonna do a few pieces on CWY. unless i leave first of course...

i don't want sympathy by saying i was dealt a bad hand. i am being challenged. and i don't know if it's my age, or just the way i am. but i'm having trouble adjusting. i dunno. i mean, in any bad situation there can be something good about it. and maybe if i tough it out to the end, i'll be transformed in ways i can't even fathom now. and if i quit i'll never know!

or maybe... i'm just wasting my time.